hatesparadise | Streets of Baltimore, Thursday

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Streets of Baltimore, Thursday

So, the trick to getting off the island, Danny was starting to feel, was to not try an escape. Because he went with the purpose of finding a shrink to talk to if he was going to be stuck here. And lo and behold, he was perfectly capable of getting to Baltimore.

Of course he was.

But his luck was still his luck. And it was probably amplified by the fact that Steve was around him once again. So, before he could even get inside the building, there was a body that landed right on a car parked off the street. Complete with car alarms going off and glass going everywhere.

Which was really gonna make hiring this therapist difficult, so he mentally crossed them off his list as he peered into the ruin of the car to check for a pulse and called the locals.

Danny Williams could not have nice things, no.

[for the murder mystery hungry celestial being]

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"I'll take that under advisement," Danny replied dryly. He would not because the day he took relationship advice from Lucifer was the day he'd gladly become a gun enthusiast and pro-CIA. Which was never.

"I mean, supposedly you should be able to do better," Lucifer mused, "Maybe if you stop drenching yourself in gel every morning." Beat. "Ah, look. There we are."

He abruptly yanked the car into a parking spot.

Danny flipped him off, unbuckling his seat belt to check it out. Well. It wasn't the worst location possible. But it was close.

"You're not gonna stay in the car, are you?"

"Please," Lucifer said, shutting down the engine and pushing open the door. "This is the most fun I've had in months."

"You're legitimately insane if you think this is fun," Danny muttered, checking that he had an extra clip just in case.

"So if I know my illegal criminal hide-outs, and I do," Lucifer said, "It is... ah, this way."

To an unassuming door in the side of a building.

"So, just right through the front door?" STOP BEING STEVE ON STEROIDS, LUCIFER.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lucifer said, "We knock."

Which he did.

"Wow," was Danny's deeply sarcastic response to that.

There was, however, some confusion on the other side of the door at someone knocking, so they had that going for them. A muffled conversation in Russian about who should respond to polite knocking before a heavily accented, "Go away."

"We're just here to talk to you about a murder," Lucifer called. "One of your nerds, I believe."

And that sound was a lot of guns being cocked as the door was opened to reveal a number of very unhappy looking men in ill-fitting suits, wielding guns.

"Oh, yeah. The knocking was a great plan," Danny said faintly.

Lucifer stuck his hands in his pockets, very casually putting himself between Danny and the armed men with a grin. "Hello, Russian mobsters," he enthused. "We'd just like to ask you a few questions."

Which was. Yeah. Weird and kind of sweet of him in a way that Danny was never going to address.

Danny took a deep breath, holstering his gun to follow that lead. "We're looking into the death of Dimitri Kuznetsov."

His Russian pronunciation was infinitely better than his Hawaiian, to be honest.

Their new buddies tensed at the name which was a pretty big clue that they were in the right location for this. Wasn't it great when an investigation was linear and not at all a lot of phone calls and checking alibis?

And then finding out the person you initially suspected of the crime but who produced a decent alibi turned out to be the killer after all!

... it happened. Quite frequently. Had Lucifer mentioned the time his wings got stolen and it turned out to be an elaborate ploy by Amenadiel to get him to go back to Hell? No? Anyway, he digressed. Majorly.

"He was entertainingly defenestrated earlier today," Lucifer said, still cheerful. "Now it looked like an accident, but going by the looks on your faces, I think we were right to challenge that interpretation."

...what the actual fuck, Lucifer. That was way more annoying than Wo Fat or that super annoying brother-in-law of Chin's. Or Adam in general.

"Which makes us think," Danny chimed in, looking thoughtful as he came up next to Lucifer. "Since you all are so surprised by this and, well, let's be honest here. You wouldn't have sent anyone to off one of your own. You'd do it yourselves. We've gotta assume... someone's moving in on your turf."

"So if you'd just like to give us a list of suspects, we'll leave you to go about your merry--" Lucifer glanced over their heads, "... ah, drug deal, yes."

Score! Illicit drug deal after all!

And those guns were back in their faces!

"A little subtlety," Danny sighed. "Is that too much to ask? A little subtlety."

"The names of your enemies are all we're asking for," Lucifer said, like there wasn't a gun, let alone multiple guns, in his face at all. "Please put the firearms down, I'd say I'd hate to have to hurt one of you fine gentlemen, but that would be a lie."

"I'd listen to the man," Danny said, side-eyeing Lucifer because he honestly had no idea what was going to happen if they didn't back off.

The threat wasn't taken particularly seriously by their new Russian friends as someone of them started to snicker. There was a comment in there in Russian about Lucifer his little--emphasis on little--cop attack dog that had Danny sighing in annoyance.

Edited 2020-07-17 15:22 (UTC)

"He is very adorable, but I'm afraid I am quite serious," Lucifer said, in completely flawless Russian, a grin still on his face. "You have ten seconds."

"I'd listen," Danny muttered in much less perfect Russian, but still competent as he shifted to draw his gun without pulling attention to it.

One of the goons smacked his buddy on the chest like 'get a load of these morons' before stepping forward to shove the gun under Lucifer's chin. Because Darwin's theories were alive and well.

Lucifer's hand shot up and landed on top of the gun.

Five seconds later, that gun cracked the goon's forehead and he went down like a light.

"Come on," Lucifer called, grinning in a way that might have pinged some people as not entirely sane. "Anyone else want to try me?"

Sirens started up in the distance as their backup was finally here. And Danny already had his gun up and trained on the group.

"Could've done this the easy way," he muttered as they opened fire, forcing him to duck behind a convenient barrel. Warehouses always had barrels and shipping containers to hide behind. It was a known fact.

Lucifer adjusted his jacket casually, even as bullets tore into it, and stalked across the space like an impatient businessman.

He snagged another barrel off the ground on his way, hurling it at one of the gunmen with unfailing accuracy. His buddy a meter away? He grabbed the man by the throat and physically threw him across the room, too.

Were they still shooting? This poor suit.

The ones who weren't trying to run away were still shooting, but it had a certain... eau de panic right about now.

Danny popped up to shoot back, taking down a few, but the rest of the last stand were falling to Lucifer. And everyone else was hopefully being rounded up by Baltimore PD as they surrounded the place.

This had not been at all what Danny expected, and yet... yeah.

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