hatesparadise | Williams Family Home - Newark, NJ, Friday Night

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Williams Family Home - Newark, NJ, Friday Night

The funeral for Matty had, of course, been closed casket. And it had been full of cops (all former coworker's of Danny's) and firefighters (all former coworker's of his father) so it was easy to not have to address anything emotionally at the time.

Though Grace being there with him had caused more than a few cracks to come through as he just tried to get through this period.

Which was possibly why he was laying in one of bedrooms in the home that he and his siblings had grown up in, staring at the ceiling, trying to will himself to sleep. Even though he knew he'd have nightmares there.

[[for the guy on the air mattress]]

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"If I'd just stopped him--" Danny said like Matt hadn't been an adult who made all the choices that lead up to his end.

Steve hummed and returned to rubbing circles on Danny's back. "You tried then, too," he said softly.

"He'd be in jail and he'd hate me, but he'd be alive," Danny said, clutching at him like a lifeline. Which Steve was in the moment.

Oh, Danny.

Steve held on just as tightly with one arm, and moved the other up to toy with the soft hair at the nape of Danny's head.

"This isn't your fault," he said firmly.

Danny held on tightly, just breathing in that comfort even if he didn't think he deserved it.

Not after what had happened in Colombia.

"I should have done more."

"Like what?" Steve asked, happy to let Danny spin himself out for a while. Survivor's guilt was a very real thing. Hell, his entire drug-enduced Wo Fat hallucination had kept his father alive.

"Drag him off that goddamn plane," Danny said, sinking a little into little. "Paid more attention to what was happening in his life?"

Was that way he was so invested in getting his sisters and Mary to be friends maybe?

Steve kept up with the back rub. "You were going through a divorce and a move across the country at the time," he pointed out mildly.

Why'd you have to be logical and smart when he was having a meltdown here? That wasn't fair.

Danny let out a sigh, pulling back enough to look Steve in the eye to see the truth in his words.

Steve throttled back the instinct to wipe Danny's tears like he was Grace or something. That would make this weird and he was trying so hard not to let this get weird again.

"You know I'm right," he said quietly.

They were scrunched up in what might have actually been Danny's childhood bed. It was pretty weird.

"Doesn't make it easier," Danny replied, just as quiet.

"Buddy, nothing is going to make this easier," Steve said. "You'll have regrets forever."

Danny closed his eyes and sighed, a hand coming up to rest on the side of Steve's neck. "Yeah. Yeah, I will."

Good thing Danny's eyes were closed because that hand placement had Steve's face do a thing that had nothing to do with helping a best friend get through the death of his brother.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"Not... not right now," Danny said, opening his eyes to silently beg Steve to not push right now. He needed a night to just process, he supposed.

"There's no rush," Steve said, moving his thumb to take out some of the pressure at the base of Danny's neck.

Which was leaning in very close to that first time they'd shared a bed. Danny sighed and let his head fall forward to allow Steve to keep doing that. "Thank you."

"Always," Steve said. "You know that, right?"

He nodded, pushing closer to rest his forehead on Steve's shoulder for now. "Wouldn't have gotten through this without you."

Steve continued the neck massage, pretending like the noises Danny had made last time weren't playing in a loop in his brain right now.

"I'm glad I could take some of the burden off of you."

He'd remembered a lot of it from having to do it for his dad.

There were noises again, though they were softer and more dragged out of him with each stress caused knot that Steve managed to work loose. Maybe if they weren't as close as they were, Steve wouldn't have even noticed them.

Right about then, the idea of Steve being in charge of things sounded just about perfect, though.

Well, it was a partnership, even if it wasn't in the way their therapist, the governor, and half the people who knew them were assuming. Steve would happily--eagerly--take the weight Danny couldn't carry right now, repaid in the warmth he got from knowing that Danny trusted him enough to be this vulnerable.

Steve moved his head--he'd say it was to get away from Danny's hair--and brushed a kiss to the top of Danny's head.

Steve did enjoy being the protector, it was true. And they took turns in that, damn it. It was why their partnership worked.

Danny sighed, closing his eyes to just enjoy the physical comfort of being held here.

Steve dug his thumb in a little harder to get that pressure point to unknot.

It would help Danny relax, right?

Oh yeah, that would help.

Danny let out of those slightly louder noises from the first night before he was clamping down on it with an unintentional press forward and a tight clutch at Steve's shirt. A shirt that was on because of a severe lack of self control on Danny's part before.

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